Unforgivable
by katieyellow
Summary: Set as an alternative ending to episode 405, How Nathan and Haley's evening could have ended differently.


**This is set as an alternative ending to episode 405 where Nathan finds out he got into Duke and Haley tells him she's pregnant. I've always thought how horrible that day must have been for Haley. So this is sad but if you feel like some angst then is perfect for you. **

**I'm meant to be doing dissertation work and so I got distracted and wrote this. I'm currently working on a couple of stories but I don't think I'll put anything else up for a while because nothing is near completed, although maybe I'll write some more one shots if I get inspired.**

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Haley actually paused before entering her home that afternoon, she felt sick and exhausted and confused and all she wanted was her husband to tell her everything was going to ok but she wasn't sure that he was going to.

He hadn't been in school all day and she hadn't had a chance to speak to him since he'd told her how he was feeling that morning.

"I feel like you should have told me a few weeks ago. That's how I feel."

She had been hoping that once she told him about the baby she would stop feeling anxious but in truth now she felt worse. She hadn't known how he was going to react to the news yet now she still had no inkling how he was feeling or what he was going to do.

Could he actually leave her and the unborn child? She had seen on his phone who had called him that morning and made him leave the house quickly it had been Rachel, the whore who evidently had feelings for him.

Had he been with her all day? Had she comforted him through the awful news she had given to him.

Over the past few days every time she thought of Rachel her stomach turned into knots, could she be enough to lure her husband away even for a second.

She quickly pushed the negative thoughts out of her head, Nathan was nothing like his father and he loved her so much. He wouldn't cheat on her and he wouldn't abandon her, at least that's what she tried to tell herself as she entered the flat calling his name.

"Hi" She said softly as she saw him approaching her from the bedroom, in a small way it was a relief for her to see him and have him near her again, she wasn't used to not seeing him for the whole day and especially after the accident at the bridge it was always a relief to see him and know he was safe.

"I'm having a press conference, to announce that I'm going to Duke." Nathan said doing up his tie, he was wearing the smart clothes he usually reserved for game days.

Haley tried not to worry about the fact he hadn't even greeted her and concentrate on what was important, he didn't look happy.

"I thought we agreed we'd make that decision together." Haley said surprised, she had completely forgotten about the Duke thing, she was kind of startled he would mention it above the baby.

"Well plans change don't they?" He said giving her a pointed look and Haley couldn't help but feel a little stab at her heart. She had really hurt him but had he not realised how hard it had been for her not knowing how she could tell him the news especially after he had told her how having a baby at their age would ruin someone's life.

"You know everyone's been congratulating me about the baby and telling me how wonderful it is, apart from you." Haley said, it was a lie, in actual fact since Brooke had announced it that morning she had mostly just got stares and people giving her funny looks.

When people had congratulated her she could always see the look of pity in their eyes like they could see that she had made some massive mistake. Some people had even asked her where Nathan was and she knew the under tone of that question considering he wasn't in school all day.

But she had lied as it was the only thing she could think of to bring the conversation back to the baby which she needed to talk about or she was sure she was going to go crazy.

"A part of me thinks it is wonderful." Nathan replied frustrated.

"A part of you?" Haley said a feeling of dread settling over her, her whole mind was taken over with feelings about this baby. She felt a twinge in her stomach but ignored it, she'd been having them all day and just assumed it was normal baby feelings.

"Haley, What do you want me to say?" Nathan asked the frustration clear in his voice.

"I want you to say that um what ever it is we're going to face it together and you've never been so happy and everything's going to be ok." Haley said feeling breathless, she could never hide her emotions from Nathan and she could feel herself starting to panic and the sick feeling had returned, it probably didn't help that she hadn't felt up to eating lunch or breakfast earlier.

"Haley I don't want to lie to you. This whole thing scares me to death." Nathan declared the anger evident in his voice, was she expecting too much of him, she had just sprung this on him that morning but the fact that he was obviously so angry at her didn't help her feel any better.

Is that how he would continue to feel angry and resentful of her? She stayed quiet trying to stop herself from crying.

"Look do you want to come with me?" Nathan asked.

"To Duke?" Haley asked back, this was a good sign she told herself that he didn't want to go without her.

"To the press conference." He said and any relief Haley felt left her.

"I can't, I can't do that right now." Haley said, she couldn't face seeing any one right now, there was no way she'd be able to compose herself enough to be seen in public especially at such a happy occasion.

Nathan turned to leave.

"My dad said you would say that." Nathan said his voice cold and Haley just felt like she was messing everything up, maybe she was just a selfish horrible person, why couldn't she just be there for her husband.

"You know what Nathan, this is really not what schools we go to or what dreams we have because what ever you want I want that for you. I just really though the news of your child would affect you more than the news of a scholarship." Haley said trying to keep the true pain out of her voice, she wanted him to see the whole picture she wanted him to see what she was thinking but there was a look of disbelief on his face.

"I'm not going to feel guilty about this, I'm not." He said shrugging and Haley felt the guilt rip through her as he left her alone.

She just stood there while the tears ran down her face, Nathan was going to Duke and maybe he didn't want her or the baby there or maybe he just didn't care.

The sound of the phone broke her out of her thoughts.

"Hello Haley speaking." Haley said trying to make her voice sound strong.

"Hi Haley I heard about the press conference and thought you might want to watch it here with me if you weren't going?" Karen asked kindly.

"Yeah that sounds good actually. I'll be over just before it starts. Thanks Karen." Haley said.

"Any time, bye." Karen said then hung up.

Haley felt herself shiver slightly and decided she had time to have something to eat before she left for Karen's. She tried to concentrate on the task and that kept her tears at bay. She didn't really feel like eating but she hadn't all day and she was eating for two.

She opened a can of soup and then reached up on her tiptoes to grab a pan from the top cupboard when suddenly she felt a shooting pain in her stomach.

She bent over slightly and suddenly the pain got worse. She fell to her knees and couldn't move the pain was too much, worse then the worse cramps she'd ever had. She cried out in pain but no one was there to hear.

She groaned again and curled in a ball on the ground holding her stomach, it wasn't just the pain she felt weak and drained from her day, she felt so helpless.

She didn't know how long she laid on the ground the phone occasionally ringing above her but she couldn't move to answer it or phone for help and then she noticed the dampness between her legs and through her tears could see a dark stain on her jeans.

All the time she lay on the floor in pain she couldn't help but curse herself, she should have looked after herself better, been less stressed, eaten better and now it was all too late.

After what seemed like a day although it was only 2 hours Nathan returned to the flat hoping to reconnect with his wife and finally share the joy of her news.

As she heard him enter the flat she moaned and she heard him immediately rush to her side.

"Haley oh god." He exclaimed horror filling him at the sight of his wife on the floor pale and obviously in pain.

"It hurts." Haley managed to get out and she felt Nathan squeeze her hand while with the other he took out his phone and called an ambulance.

Nathan stayed with her until the ambulance came reassuring her everything was going to be ok, but she didn't see how it could be. She wished she could sleep or pass out to escape the nightmare she was currently living through but she couldn't.

You're lucky she kept trying to tell herself that your husband is by your side like you wanted in the beginning but it was hard to feel lucky at the thought of what she had lost.

Nathan stayed by her the whole time in the ambulance looking scared and she wondered if it was because of her or the baby. Nathan stayed by her side in the hospital where the doctor examined her and while they waited for the inevitable news.

They had given her pain medication and she had gone to the bathroom to wash up, Nathan had offered to help but she had told him she would be fine and given him a small fake smile to try and reassure him.

She then lay in bed in the hospital gown on her side slightly curled up with her eyes closed, faking sleep so Nathan did not have to try and comfort her.

The doctor returned an hour later the grim look on his face explaining everything before he had said a word and the tears silently slipped down Haley's face as he spoke.

He assured her that she had done nothing wrong and that there was no reason she could not get pregnant in the future and handed Nathan a number of a councillor.

The only question Haley asked was when she could go home and the doctor told her as soon as she liked. Haley wanted to leave right then but there was some paper work to be filled out and someone needed to bring in some clothes for Haley to wear home.

She knew for certain all she wanted to do was burn those jeans that were now stained. Nathan went off to do the paper work and phone Lucas to bring some clothes and Haley was happy to be able to lie on the bed and pretend to sleep again.

It was funny how she could be mentally exhausted but at the same time the sweet obliviousness of sleep would not come.

The same thoughts turning over and over again in her head.

I should have been more careful.

Nathan returned with Lucas who had brought her some clothes.

He hugged her but Haley kept it brief not wanting to sink into his arms and sob.

She quickly changed in the bathroom and then she was lead out of the hospital Lucas leading the way and Nathan with a supportive arm round her shoulder.

They walked in silence and in the car in the back Haley closed her eyes and pretended once again to sleep, anything better at this point then talking.

They arrived at the apartment and Nathan helped her out of the car, Lucas asked to come in but Nathan said it was late, it was 1.30 and that he should get some sleep and see them tomorrow.

Haley looked around the apartment confused, had it only been that morning that everything had been hopeful and her main problem Nathan's reaction.

Haley saw the soup on the counter where she had left it and as Nathan guided her through the kitchen she saw a dark stain on the kitchen floor that no one had got round to cleaning yet. Nathan saw what she was looking at and quickly walked her into the bedroom.

Haley stood in the bedroom unsure of what to do now.

"I'm going to have a bath, you should get into bed you look tired." She said, hoping the warm water would sooth her slightly.

"Ok." He agreed and before he could say any more she walked into the bathroom and locked the door. This was unusual because she never locked the door when she was having a bath or shower around him but tonight she could not bear to hear anything he had to say.

The water was too hot when she got in and she stayed in there an hour until she was shivering in the cooling water. She thought back through all her mistakes all the things she should have done differently them all haunting her.

As she went into the bedroom in just a towel she saw Nathan asleep sitting up in bed, sleep had obviously claimed him while he tried to wait up for her.

She grabbed one of his over sized ravens t-shirts and some pyjama shorts and climbed into her side of the bed. She lay on her side again curled up but this time facing Nathan, debating whether to wake him but she knew she shouldn't, let him keep the glorious oblivion she couldn't seem to find.

She watched his face full of worry and sadness but she still couldn't help but wonder how big a part of him was relived or was that horrible thing for her to assume but the last time she had seen him while she had been pregnant all it had been was a problem for Nathan.

How could she talk about this with Nathan, she had no idea how he felt, would he have any idea how much she had been hurting mentally and physically. She had no idea who she could talk to no one she knew who had gone through this.

As she lay there she knew that with time she would forgive him for his neglect and harshness over the past day. She knew that over the next few weeks and months he was going to look after her so well, she had seen the fear in his eyes and it had just confirmed how deeply he did love and care for her the only problem was she wasn't sure she was ever going to be able to forgive herself.

No one else would blame her but all the mistakes she had made, they were all unforgivable.

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I hope you all liked it and feel free to tell me what you thought.

**I'm enjoying season 6 so far although i would have liked to have seen a scene where Nathan and Haley were reunited after getting away from Carrie again although there have been some great one shots written on here to make up for that. **


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